As I was growing up, I was wondering why I didn’t like the person I saw in the mirror.
I always felt too ugly, too chubby, too this or that when I saw myself.
Never did I feel confident or pretty.
Why would a teenage girl who has seen nothing yet, who doesn’t know anything about the world yet, have so much hate for herself?
Perhaps it was because people painted a picture of me and as time passed, I began to see myself through their hateful eyes.
People always made me believe that I wasn’t pretty, that I was ugly. And that my boobs were too big, my hair was too dark, my bones were too weird, my eyebrows too thick.
There was always something wrong with me and when you hear those things long enough, you start to believe them.
You start looking in the mirror and suddenly, you only see yourself with all your flaws, with all the things that were wrong with you.
When nobody teaches you how to love yourself, you seek for others their love.
You seek for others their acceptance, their appreciation, their kind words.
You seek for someone to see you and love you with all your flaws.
But when there’s no one who can do that, you fall in that dark hole.
You start asking yourself all those questions.
Why am I not worthy of others their love?
Why doesn’t anyone love me for who I am?
Were the bullies and the other people right?
Is it my body?
Is it my face?
Is it me?
You start loathing yourself.
You start hating yourself, because if others did, then why shouldn’t you?
You start blaming yourself.
You start cursing yourself.
You start asking questions again.
Why didn’t I have a perfect body, with small hips and skinny legs?
Why weren’t my boobs a bit smaller?
Why was my belly so chubby?
Why couldn’t I have a perfect face, with perfect bone structure?
Why do my bones stick out that bad?
Why couldn’t I be pretty?
Why weren’t I beautiful?
That’s all a phase though, but in that moment it feels like this is how you’re going to feel, for the rest of your life.
Oh little did I know.
As I grew up, the more mature I became.
I got to know the right people, who appreciated me for who I was.
I got to know my best friend, who made me feel like I can take on the world and whom without, I would not have become the confident woman that I am today.
I got closer to my family, who showed me I was worth loving and showed me what home felt like, what love and true acceptance should feel like.
Those few, rare gems you meet in your life, will ignite something in you.
You’ll realize then with time, that you are in fact worthy of love.
That little step you take, will eventually be the biggest one.
Because with time, you’ll figure things out.
You start realizing what you should and should not do.
You shouldn’t settle for any thing that’s less than what you deserve.
You shouldn’t seek for others their acceptance, just accept yourself.
You shouldn’t seek for others their love, just love yourself.
You shouldn’t seek for others their appreciation, just appreciate yourself.
Because you are beautiful.
Because you are lovable.
Because your body is your body and you shouldn’t try to change that.
Because your bones are the foundation of your body, let them be weird.
You should never depend on other people to love yourself.
You should never expect others to make you their number one.
Be your own number one.
Be your own admirer.
Cherish yourself. Appreciate yourself. Compliment yourself. LOVE YOURSELF.
You’ll figure out what real happiness feels like when you can look at yourself and be proud.
When you can look in the mirror and see the good things.
Your big eyes that light up when you’re happy.
Your smile that is perfect the way it is.
But also see when you see the flawed things, but they don’t make you feel insecure anymore.
They don’t make you feel sad or angry.
They make you feel flawless.
And that’s how everyone should feel.
If there are people out there who make you feel bad about yourself, cut them out of your life.
You don’t need toxic people.
You need positive vibes, you need warmth, you need love, you need strength.
you need YOU.